Goodbye, Guate

My last week in Guatemala I returned to San Juan, volunteering for the fire department and living with the family that Taryn lived with, the family Cholotio Hernandez.

The father, Lallo, works two small plots of land. One he is selling, as his daughter became ill with appendicitis last year, and needless to say, health care in Guatemala is not exactly socialized. Lallo also works part time in a carpenteria. His main duties, however, are with the church. He volunteers as the accountant, which is nearly a full-time job. Can you imagine, being the primary breadwinner for your impoverished family of five children, and still finding the time to volunteer full time for the church? Lallo's story is not uncommon in San Juan - the firefighters are volunteers as well, five days a week, 10 hours a day. Maybe if there were work to be had in San Juan, people would be less generous of their time . . .

Lallo's wife, Maria, stays at home, preparing three meals a day, and rolling enough tortillas to feed an elephant. Two daughters are secretaries and another works as a manager for a weaving group. The youngest, the only boy of five children, Gaspar, is fifteen and still in school.

My last week I spent my days volunteering with the firefighters, helping to construct their new firehouse. It was mindless contruction work in blistering heat, but I enjoyed it. I lived and ate my meals with familia Cholotio Hernandez that week. I grew to understand how Taryn fell in love with her family - I looked forward to 'coming home; to my family everyday, talking about my day, telling jokes. I felt at home with them. Even still, I am ready for home. I am so glad to have spent my last week here in San Juan, I am also glad to be going back to the states. Homesickness has crept in. A graditude for my family has crept in as well, and a desire spend some time with them, to thank them.

I do not have pics of familia Cholotio Hernandez yet - but I will upload some soon. Below are pics of our neighbors in San Juan. I was joined at the hip with these kids for five weeks.

As I look back at some of my blog entries over the past month, I realize that I have often written with acidity. In the moment, few of my experiences in Guatemala were tinged with such negativity. Yet in retrospect, that is the way I feel. I have no regret in returning home, and little desire to return to Central America, despite the connections I made. The country is beautiful, the people are colorful and kind, everything was new and exciting and challenging, the land is a paradise. But it is a third world country, and the poverty is glaring and unnerving. Of all the countries that I have visited, this is the first that I can definitively say that I would not want to live in. I felt guilty, I felt unsafe, I felt like a spectacle, I felt unsure. Mostly, I felt guilty. I think that is why I quit after ten weeks, why I was eager to return home.

The task, thus, as I bid adieu to Guatemala, is to find a way to convert the energy of that guilt into something positive. Will you, my friends and lovers, hold my lazy ass to that task?